Blessed With Imperfections.

It would seem in this life, that all we are striving for is perfection. An unreachable, unattainable, and unrealistic goal that wears us down little by little. We want perfection in our home lives, perfection in our ascent up the corporate ladder, perfection in our thoughts, words, actions, appearance. We crave something that can never be reached, in pursuit of complete joy, but in the process lose all hope of it.

You can never be perfect, but you can be yourself, and that is close enough.

When I was going through the most difficult time with my Body Dysmorphia,  perfection is what I craved more than anything else. I didn't just want to look perfect, I needed to. I would spend hours in front of the mirror to get ready for the day, and if my hair wasn't exactly how I wanted it, my whole outlook would be tainted. I remember once a girl at school ruffled my hair up in pursuit of making it imperfect. Long story short, I cried. In my eyes, looking good was a synonym for feeling good.

That is absolutely not true.

Society's standard of beauty shouldn't ever be in your definition of looking "good". You look good when you are doing good, not when you are wearing the highest heels and your makeup is perfect. If you strive to serve others and make the world a better place, who cares if you have some stretch marks and acne? I should hope that when you help people they will look over your "flaws", and focus on the beautiful things you are accomplishing.

I mean, think about it, no one ever criticized Mother Teresa for her looks.

Scars

In this life we all receive

some scars upon our skin.

While some are found on the outside,

others stay within.

He may have a battle wound,

and a heroic tale to tell,

of once upon a time when

his friend was shot, and fell.

She may have a scar from

the cancer that took her hair,

stole some breath from her hard working lungs,

and left her gasping for air.

But amid all of the physical pain

stands a girl with terrified eyes,

whose mind is racing with worry and fear,

and thoughts that she will die.

"Oh how brave!"They chant to the wounded and sick.

"Hooray!" They say to the ill.

"Hmm." They say to the girl with wide eyes.

"Just calm down and take a pill."

"Wait!" She screams!
But it is too late, the people have already gone.
They don't care about her soul rattling cries,
And leave just like the dawn.

"I'm fighting a war that stays in my head,
and I know you don't understand.
Every morning and night I battle the fear,
and mend the strife at hand.

My skull is a barricade,
keeping the warfare shut inside.
Believe me, I have plenty of scars
They are just too easy to hide."

Her words float into silence,
reaching no listening ear.
How can someone be praised for courage,
when no one is there to hear?

Climbing Trees and Epiphanies.

Ever since I was little, I loved climbing trees. It gave me a sense of euphoric happiness and a rush of adrenaline as I reached the top. Each branch seemed like an adventure waiting to happen, and let me tell you, I was all about adventure.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to experience these feelings all over again. The knotty texture of the wood pushed into the smooth parts of my hands, the leaves rustled in my face, and the tips of my fingers grew cold as I did something I hadn't for a really long time.

Long story short, I sat in the Linden tree in my backyard for a good hour and a half.

Each branch wrapped me in its sturdy embrace, providing just enough comfort that I wanted to stay longer. It was while the tree held me that I realized something about myself.

I just want to have a completely passionate, silly, and adventurous life. So I will.

I will climb trees.
I will throw snowballs.
I will run barefoot through grass.
I will pretend.
I will splash through puddles.
I will laugh
...and laugh
...and laugh.
But also I will love
and cherish
and hope
and dream.
Because that is what I want my life to be about.

Happiness.

A Love Letter.

Dear Autumn,

I believe myself entirely incapable of expressing my feelings for you in words. You seem to leave everyone, myself included, in awe as you tumble down from the mountains. Every leaf is captivated by your beauty, turning scarlet as you rush past, unable to contain their blushes any longer, and gradually falling for you as I have. When you are here, days that once were filled with laziness by the pool transform into the longing for adventure. Everyone makes preparations for your visit. Cutting their grass a little bit shorter, putting on their best sweaters, and creating pumpkin flavored everything, just for your liking. Even the strict schoolteachers put their lessons on hold, just to get a glimpse of you. I would have to admit that I am much more enamored of you than the average Joe. When you come, I cant help but feel excitement in the air, and a longing to be in the mountains. 

I guess what I am trying to say, is that I love you. 

And, it makes me sad to think that you only come once a year. 

What could be a year round adventure only lasts a couple short, glorious, months. Months in which I spend all of my time devoted to you. In your honor I go to bonfires, hikes, parties, plays, and so much more. If I could, I would stay every moment with you.

You are glorious.

Sincerely,

Sadie

Beautiful Things

I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need a pick me up. Like really really badly.Today happens to be one of  those days.So, in lieu of a normal blog post, I am going to list a bunch of beautiful things that make me happy. Just because I can.

1.The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
2. My family
3. My friends
4. Dancing
5. Writing
6. Poetry
7. Good Music *cough* Imagine Dragons *cough*
8. My Ukulele
9. Walking through crowded halls in high-school
10. Tight hugs
11. Loose hugs
12. Hugs from behind
13. ... basically just hugs in general.
14. Babies fresh from the tub
15. Sweatpants
16. British television
18. Old movies
19. Jimmy Stewart
20. My camera
21. Cold grass
22. Fuzzy socks
23. Christmas lights
24. Wet "snowman" snow
25. Marshmallows
26. Cake batter ice cream
27. Long books
28. Handwritten notes
29. Real life love stories
30. You.

Okay.

Sometimes life is hard. Like, really hard.

So hard that sometimes you don't feel like getting out of bed in the morning, and that no body understands, and that staying at home is a much better option that having to face the world and their plastic smiles.

You don't want to be happy. You don't want to be sad. You just want to be alone and cry, but be with people and laugh all at the same time.

You are angry and depressed and broken.

But that is okay.

For some reason, I feel like this is all that I have to say. Its not poetic or beautifully written, but it is true. You are not a failure if you are sad. 

Okay?

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

Okay, I am going to be completely honest with you guys right now.

I freaking hate the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.".
Frankly, this little ditty isn't right, nor should it at any times be considered even halfway truthful.
Words hurt. A lot. I would rather be slapped in the face 500 times than told I am worthless. Why? Because pain eventually subsides, but words can linger forever.

Although happy words should be remembered more, it tends to be the angry speeches that truly stick. For example, when I was in elementary school, there was this girl who said she hated me. I remember exactly where I was when the words fell out of her angry mouth, and how badly my little heart hurt to think that someone could feel that much aversion towards me. I had broken an arm before, fell and scraped my knee, stubbed my toe, but none of those could compare to the pain I felt then.

Sadly, I cant seem to remember any of the nice things she ever said.

Once, in middle school, I was told the only reason my friends liked me was because I was "pretty". The same girl later called me a profane name behind my back, wrote a page long note explaining how much she hated me, and attempted to destroy every friendship I cherished.

For some reason every nice thing she spoke in my general vicinity was received with suspicion and anger. Hmmm, I wonder why I felt that way.

Sure, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are more like cannons.

With every fiber of my being, I plead with you to choose your words wisely. Anger, hate, malice, and jealousy can destroy relationships, and all together make life crappy. One small sentence can lead to years filled with sadness.  I mean, think about it. Would you rather be someones happy memory, or their tormenting nightmare?

To combat the never ceasing war of words, build a fortress surrounding other people's hearts. Construct it gently, and build it brick by brick with kind thoughts and loving words. Tell them little facts about their personality, share happy stories, enjoy silence together, but never ever willfully hurt them. You just don't know when you could push them over the edge.

Please, I beg of you, stop the warfare. Love people, love life, love yourself, love little things, and above all share your happiness.

If you have ever been bullied, or are being bullied, please email me at becauseofbeautifullives@gmail.com. I would be happy to listen, and share with you what knowledge I possibly could.

I love you!
Sadie

Calm

Hey guys!

So, if you havent noticed, I kinda have a theme going on for this blog. Some of my posts are about how YOU are beautiful, and others are about how you can make your life beautiful. Well, I am about to bring in a new blog topic!

CUE THE EPIC MUSIC!

For years I have loved writing stories. There is just something magical about taking my thoughts, and putting them on a page for others to read and interpret. Mmmm. I just love it. So, once a month I am going to present you with A SHORT STORY! I think stories are beautiful, so why not put them on a blog all about true beauty?

Without further ado, here is my first short story that I have ever published on the internet. I hope you like it!

She shook as he held her, sitting on the tiles of the deserted high school hallway. Her breath came in quick uncontrollable bursts, eyes darting this way and that. He contemplated what to do if she passed out. There were only three people left in the building, one in the front office, only a two minutes’ walk from the secluded corner where they sat. The others remained on the second and third floors, where they had, only two hours ago, been counting down the minutes until each student went home. If anything did happen, the boy was sure he knew what to do. It would only take thirty seconds to run to the office, maybe thirty-five if he dialed 911 on the way.

A heart wrenching sob pierced the air, and pulled him out of his thoughts. “Oliver” the girl gasped, barely able to let his name escape her blue lips. “Oliver, please! Make it stop!” A single tear rolled down her cheek, falling gracefully on his chest. Pain and fear clouded her emerald eyes. She was fighting a war inside that couldn’t be seen, dodging bullets that were in her mind, and throwing grenades at her frantic thoughts. His voice caught when he tried to speak. Seeing her like this made his heart heavy. Why do the best people always have the hardest trials? “Mercedes, focus. Only you can stop it. You just have to try.” “I am trying!” She practically screamed. “I never stop trying! I fight every single day of my life! Can’t somebody else be on the front lines for once?”

As if on cue, Mercedes’ breathing sped up again. Rapid puffs of air came out of her mouth, and her eyes widened in terror. Every part of her slender body trembled as the fear she longed to hide consumed every happy thought that ever crossed her mind. In vain, she groped for the fabric of Oliver’s shirt, needing something to hold on to while her world was falling to pieces.

Anxiety, she had told him, was a monster that came unannounced; filled with rage at nonsense and fear towards everything.

“Mercedes, you are hyperventilating. I need you to control your breathing so you don’t pass out.” Oliver’s brows were furrowed in concentration. Please, he thought. Fight as hard as you can. “I-I-I can’t.” The air became increasingly thin with every shallow breath she was taking. Beads of perspiration collected on her forehead like dew on the morning grass. She was trying  so hard, but something held her back. Part of her wanted to faint, to escape this world full of panic and fear. Black clouded the edges of her vision, and horror gripped her heart. “Oliver-“her lids became heavy.

“Mere, look at me. Look me straight in the eyes.” She wondered why he sounded scared. Why would he be if he didn’t have anxiety? “Mere!” Gradually she fought to turn her head, and their eyes met. “Listen to me Mercedes. You need to put your back against my chest. If you want to stop hyperventilating, you have to breathe when I breathe. Okay?”  Sobs racked her body, and she felt like throwing up. “No.” She gasped. “I can’t.” Unwillingly, Oliver turned her so that there was no space between his own chest and her back. “Please Mere, follow me. Breathe.”

Their pace started out slow, Mercedes breathing correctly for a moment, then slipping into hyperventilation once again. Oliver offered an assortment of encouragements, some filled with hope, but others tinged with worry. He knew she desperately needed air, but her lungs could only receive it if she tried harder.

“Oliver, give me your hand.” She said shakily. “If you give me your hand I can stop.” Together they intertwined their fingers, uniting them in purpose. Hope rose in Oliver’s chest. She was calming down, it was working. Gradually she paced her breaths with his, and succumbed to the even beats of his heart.

He felt her relax, and could only imagine the peace that was spreading across her face. “Mercedes,” he whispered in her ear, “you did it!” The last of her fear washed away, and fatigue replaced it instead. She wanted to apologize for her unreasonable panic, but found herself too tired to try.

While Mercedes sat on the tile of her empty high school hallway, wrapped in the arms of the boy she adored, a profound thought occurred to her.

Calm is not a feeling, but a person.

You Matter

Dear Someone,

I am so sorry that your life isn't exactly how you want it right now. I am sorry that you feel lonely, and scared, and frustrated. I am sorry that you feel like you don't matter to anybody. That if you disappeared off the face of the planet no one would care. Because the truth is,

You matter.

You are lovable.

You are kind.

You are special.

You are important.

You are going to change the world.

Because you are you.

Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Remember that you are not alone in this endeavor, that there is always someone who cares. Feel free to remove your fake smile and cry to them, even if you feel uncomfortable about it. 9 times out of 10 you will feel better than you did before. I promise.

Remember that you can change the world, and that inspiration comes from the hardest of trials.

Remember to focus on the little things, for they make up who we are.

Remember to pray always.

Remember who you are, because you are pretty freaking amazing.

Remember that you matter, even if the world says otherwise. 

I love you!

            Sadie

If you are struggling with anything, feel free to email me at: becauseofbeautifullives@gmail.com.
I will definitely respond. :)

My Beautiful Life: School

Do you ever have nightmares that you are running away from something scary, but no matter how hard or fast you move it still catches up with you? You try to scream, but all the air seems let out of your lungs. Safety, which is right around the corner slips from reach, and slowly you are drawn into the evil claws of your doom.

This is precisely what back to school season feels like.

Okay, okay. I know that I am being a little dramatic (fine, a lot dramatic) but back to school season has always been somewhat of an anxiety trigger for me. The whole concept of organization, finding classes, locker combos, and the dreaded first day of school outfit sends me into a panic mode. Nightmares leak into my normally pleasant dreams, and before you know it, I'm dreaming about forgetting to wear pants the day I have to give a big presentation. Me no likey.

Even when I was young, the terrors of school shook my little brain senseless. The night before the big day I lay awake at night, eyes pried open, for fear of sleeping in too late. Once, I was so nervous that I started dry heaving on my way to the bus stop. Not the best way to start the school year in my humble opinion.

Needless to say, school with anxiety can be a daunting task.

I know a lot of my readers struggle with anxiety, so I compiled a list of things you can do to make the upcoming school year as stress free as possible. Because, who wants to worry about school, when you could be focusing on your beautiful life? Here goes nothing!

1. Buy a planner!
There is nothing worse than realizing you forgot to do your homework. Writing down your assignments due date is imperative to a stress free school year, and good grades!

2. Keep your locker clean.
Nobody wants to rummage through a mount Everest sized pile of papers just to get to their lunch. Keep your personal space clean by getting some locker organizers! Less clutter=Less anxiety.

3. Pack an emergency kit.
You never know when disaster will strike! Keep a sweatshirt to wear over lunchtime spills, ibuprofen for the occasional headache, and Band-Aids!

4. Find your classes.
One of my frequent reoccurring nightmares about school is getting lost on my way to class. In order to prevent an awkward moment, walk through your school beforehand to locate every class you have, and what room its in! Its also very helpful to have your schedule memorized, or keep it up in your locker.

5. Be yourself!
Making new friends can always be a struggle, but you don't have to change your personality to fit someone else's. You won't attract the friends you want by being a whole different person, so just embrace your silliness and be you!

6. Make a Panic Attack kit.
Keep this handy dandy kit in your locker at all times for when a catastrophe happens. Fill it with things that calm you: a reassuring note from a parent, your favorite candy, instructions for calming down, and a comfy jacket!

7. Get plenty of sleep! Drink water! Eat breakfast!
My mom is going to be proud of me for this one. :)

I hope this helps my fellow anxiety prone friends! Happy back to school season!

Any more worries about back to school? Feel free to send me an email! I would be happy to give you some advice! becauseofbeautifullives@gmail.com

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Beyond the Mirror

It doesn't make sense to call our selves ugly if we never have truly seen the way we look.

Some may disagree with my statement, claiming that the mirror gives a perfect reflection,

That its shiny surface shows their outer beauty in a complete and exact way.

But what they don't realize is that the reflection is shallow, and often tainted with sour opinions and insecure thoughts.

No matter how many times a human may glance at their features in a mirror

they will still never understand their true beauty.

It doesn't make sense to call ourselves ugly

because we don't really see ourselves.

We don't see the way our eyes sparkle when we get excited,

or how the smile on our face expands with laughter.

We don't see the stillness of our body as we sleep,

all curled up and silent,

chest steadily rising and falling with peace.

We don't see our eyes as we love,

mouth as we speak, 

hands as we serve.

Trust me. 

You would know how exquisitely bright and beautiful you are

if you could only see yourself 

beyond the mirror.

Adventure Can Be Found In Walmart

The other day I found myself in a predicament that usually bombards teenagers in the summer.

I was bored. Like, really really bored. So much so that I lay on the floor of my bedroom, admiring the patterns in the paint on the ceiling. It was bad.

I am the type of person who loves to go on adventures, and every once in a while I get the uncontrollable urge to go do something exciting. I must go on an adventure. Hence why I went to Walmart looking for some.

Now I know its not like Walmart has jars labelled "excitement" for sale on their shelves (although Nutella is a close second) but, they do have people, and lots of them. So, for my exciting excursion, I decided to do something that scares me out of my mind: confront people I do not know. Earlier that week I had bought some cute thank you cards from Michael's, thinking that I would use them to appreciate my teachers and church leaders. Little did I know that some extreme boredness would lead me to use those cards for people I didnt even know. 

Let me tell you, one of the best ways to get your adrenaline rush is by handing out thank you cards to strangers. I walked through the aisles of Walmart aimlessly before I found my first person. It was a woman, presumably middle aged, with a list in her hand of food and supplies she needed to get. I could tell she was a woman on a mission. Walking up to her was the hardest part. My voice cracked, my legs shook, and my heart went at five bajillion miles an hour.

"Excuse me, mam?" I said. She looked up in surprise, and our eyes met. Her face looked tired, resting into melancholy wrinkles by her eyes. Oh yes. This was the person I needed to help.

Quickly I explained that the note was to thank her for being so awesome, and that yes, I did not know her. Before I knew it, I was walking away with a grin on my face and warmth in my heart. I continued to do this for five more people, feeling happier with each one.

There are opportunities everywhere for service, you just have to be willing to look hard enough.

And boy, is it oh so fun!

Beauty Is Not Found at the Makeup Counter

There it is, the cosmetics counter. Sometimes it is fun to nonchalantly  walk around the pink Barbie like isles, occasionally picking up a new eye shadow palate or lipstick. But today, you are a woman on a mission. Almost as if to prepare for the bombardment of beauty, you lower your eyes to the last shelf nearest the ground, avoiding the airbrushed advertisements up top and dive in. With a swiftness that seems to deserve angelic praise you find it! Huzzah! The mascara! You snatch it up, reveling in your success and heading towards the checkout when- "Hi mam! Is there anything I can do to help you?" You have two choices. You can either avoid looking at the way too charismatic shop assistant so you don't see the ads, or you can act like a sensible person. Decisions, decisions. Before you know it, your eyes are up, and all the images you were hoping to avoid come crashing into your brain. "No thank you." You stutter, and almost gallop to the checkout counter. Defeated, you buy the mascara and go home. That was one crazy adventure.

Okay, so we have all been through that before. Maybe its not quite as dramatic, but still, seeing pictures of Ellen DeGeneres without wrinkles is just plain scary. I mean, the woman is 57 years old! (Sorry, off topic) But the thing is that we don't have to go through that treacherous makeup trip in order to be beautiful. Time and time again I hear people use the words "I need (insert whatever makeup item you wish) to be beautiful" I hate to burst your bubble, but NOPE! You do not need any makeup to be beautiful. Sure, it can make you feel more secure or confident, but your natural self, is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen!

To clarify, I am not saying that makeup is terrible, or offensive in anyway, because honestly I think it is really fun! Just like any girl I enjoy getting gussied up and going out, but I also remember to take days off. Not only is it good for your skin to take a break, but it is also good for your confidence. Once you get used to not having a cake face you will realize how darn good you look without all that goop.

If you think about the process of it all, makeup is immensely strange. Think about it, "I am going to put this black stuff on my eyes, this skin colored paint on my face, and this brown powder in my eyebrows to make me look more attractive." See, its weird.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you don't need all that to be beautiful. Embrace your natural self, and don't care what everybody else thinks! I guarantee you that the world will not stop turning if you take your makeup off. There are much more catastrophic events that could occur.

Love ya!

Sadie

Mind and Body

We live in a world where words like "retarded" and "OCD" are used as debilitating insults, which are perceived as some sort of funny joke. But the thing is, these "insults" are no way to make a snide comment to a friend. They are real mental illnesses that cause pain, and suffering in individuals all over the world. So why on earth would you want to make fun of it?

Using mental illnesses to insult someone, is almost to the same equivalent of using a physical illness as a jest. You would never say,"Oh my gosh, its like that girl has cancer or something." because

A) Cancer is a very sensitive topic in today's world, so it wouldn't be funny. (Don't be insensitive)

B) Its mean. Don't say mean things. Okay? Okay.

I can understand why it is more common for people to make fun of mental illness instead of physical. Its simple. Physical illness or disease is typically manifested physically whereas mental illness can be hidden, without anyone knowing how much the sufferer is actually suffering.

For example, I have anxiety. But, the people around me only know if I talk about it, or have a panic attack. Other than that, I can hide it fairly well. But if someone is struggling with jaundice it would be clearly evident, because jaundice turns your skin and eyes yellow. (Its not fun.) Anxiety isn't physically manifested. Jaundice is.

One thing I think people don't realize is that when you have a mental illness it can be just as tiring and discouraging as its physical counterpart. Constantly worrying, obsessing over cleanliness, and hating your body takes a lot of energy.

Teasing, insulting, and bullying is not ok in any size, shape, or form. So please stop making fun of mental illnesses, even if you have walked a mile in our shoes.

Rant over.

French Fries

Sitting lazily upon the desk in my room is a quote that changed my life. It is simple and humorous but very effective. The quote bluntly reads:

Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry

Okay, so I know what you are thinking. Why on earth would I want to be happier than a bird with a french fry? Sadie, you are downright crazy. Before you make any snap judgments, lets break this down a bit.

First, lets talk about the bird. Often times (especially when it is particularly dry) birds have a hard time finding food. Instead of retrieving a nutritious meal of worms and other bugs they have to rely on us messy humans, and the crumbs we leave behind. Imagine that you are on a deserted island, and that you have run out of food. Your stomach is growling, as you stumble around in fatigue, seaching aimlessly for some nutrition when all of a sudden BAM! A five course turkey dinner falls from the sky. That is what I imagine it must be like for a bird that has found a french fry. To us, one french fry isn't very significant, but to a bird it is a saving grace.

We must be like a bird and find joy in the simple things in life, even if it is something as simple as a french fry. Staying focused on the little things that are good increases our optimism and fights away the negative. So, in order to help you realize how amazing the simple things in life are, here is a list of little things that makes me happy.

~The sound of high heels on tile

~Cold grass on bare feet

~Fuzzy socks

~The time of night right before it gets dark

~Pastel colored skies

~Poetry

~How babies smell right after a bath

~Sunny rain

~Successfully saying the rap part in a song

~When people say 'Thank You'

~Filled notebooks

~Old books

~Cold sheets

~Travel sized anything

~The smell of cologne

~When people laugh during hugs

~When old couples kiss

~Giant T-shirts

~Stretching

~Nice strangers

~The first frigid seconds in the pool

~Completing checklists

~Smelling like a campfire

~That one mood when everything is funny

~The sound of a keyboard when someone types fast

~Unique laughs

~You.

These are just a few things that make me happy. What makes you happy?

Silence

There you are, standing on the scale again, looking through your tear filled eyes at the number that causes you so much grief. You wipe the wetness from your face and step in front of the mirror, staring at yourself until the surrounding world seems to fade away. You feel ugly, fat, useless, and wonder how on earth you are going to get ready for the day when the last bit of confidence you had was just ripped to shreds.

Eventually, you slip into your most comfortable pair of jeans, and a sweatshirt, not even worrying about the laborious task that is your hair. You pick up your bag with a slowness that could even rival a sloth. Then, you wait. The looming prospect of the day in front of you seems like too much, and even the door appears threatening. But eventually, you pick up your feet and leave (as you always do) already yearning for the day to be over.

Leaving the house seems like a mistake as you begin comparing yourself with every single person that you see. They all seem so perfect, so...confident. Your mind runs frantically and you wonder if you are the only person who feels this way. No confidence, no happiness, just numb. Eventually you accept the fact that your are alone in this endeavor, and that you will always be alone. You are a freak of nature who has no confidence, and whose brain doesn't work right for some reason.But, you accept it (as you always have) and continue on with your miserable day in silence, acting as if nothing happened. Because, the one thing that could be more mortifying than your appearance would be if people found out you felt this way.

No.

I will not accept this.

It breaks my heart to see people struggle with this constant battle of questioning whether or not silence is the answer. The endless pain and worthlessness that comes with it is almost unbearable. Worries seem like wars in our head, filled with explosions of panic and the rapid gunfire of self-deprecating thoughts. The thing that we don't realize is that the war could stop if you just talk about it. Oftentimes our worries seem much larger in our head, and then sound silly as they come out of our mouths. I'm not telling you that all of this is a joke, because its not. It is a serious problem that hurts the individual so immensely, it can even lead to eating disorders.

More often than not, we go through life harboring fears and insecurities inside of us, not even taking a moment to realize that almost everyone we know is doing the same. The insecurity you feel only gets worse and worse when you let it fester up inside of you. Think of it as a unopened can of Coke: if you shake it and then pop open the can, you are met with a mini soda old faithful. But, if you open it without the previous shaking, it just sits there like a good soda should.

Our minds are like the can of Coke. If we keep our worries inside of us, eventually it will hurt us so much that one day we explode in a fountain of tears and sadness. But, if you voice your worries the moment they enter your mind, whether it be to a friend or family member, the soda stays put, and there is no eruption.

You are not alone in your insecurities. I know how harrowing the experience is to explode. Its not fun. So, please open up to the people around you, find some time to voice your worries, and continue living your beautiful life.

-Sadie

P.S. Take some time to think about all the little things in life that make you happy! Optimism kills the negative, and therefore makes for less soda can shaking!

P.P.S If you cant find anyone to talk to about your worries, feel free to shoot me an email!

becauseofbeautifullives@gmail.com

What is Beauty?

A couple months ago I had the opportunity to give an oratory at a debate competition.  For those of you who don't know, and oratory is a ten minute memorized speech that deals with a subject typically of your choosing. I chose to talk about society's pressure on the physical appearance of women, and the harms that it can cause. I want to help women realize how beautiful they actually are, and have a little sanctuary on the internet that they can go to when they don't feel beautiful. Because, lets be honest, not feeling beautiful sucks. So, to start off this blog, here is my oratory. (I hope you enjoy it!)

We live in a day and age where there are expectations everywhere that just cannot be met. We are expected to look, act, and be perfect. But what is real perfection? Is it having a flat stomach and thigh gap perfect? Or do curves and some belly achieve the ideal image of perfection? I don’t know whether to believe the magazines, or a popular song by Meghan Trainor. In many ways society is contradicting its self, saying things like “You are amazing just the way you are, but only if you lose ten pounds and get a better closet.” It almost feels like there is this impossible checklist that you must be able to complete in order to be beautiful. Found on this list are things like, “You must be tall, gorgeous, and sophisticated, BUT you also have to be petite, cute, and fun to be around, sorta like the girl next door.” First of all, I want to know who this girl next door is, and why she is creating socially constructed ideals of beauty. Second of all, I want to tell you that this check list will never have all the boxes checked off.  I hate to burst your bubble, but you can’t be the girl next door, and still look like Angelina Jolie. Its impossible.

In many ways this impossible checklist creates a long list of problems itself. Depression, Bulimia, Anorexia, and Body Dysmorphic Disorder are few of the many problems that the pressure of society can possibly create. These are very real and very dangerous disorders that are often caused by environmental factors such as the (quote on quote) “Impossible list”  In the United States, 20 million women suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating. But, keep in mind that a lot of women do not report their eating disorder. In fact, only 1 out of ten individuals even receive treatment or counselling for their disorder.  Many women are ashamed of their disorder, and some don’t realize they have one. By age six girls especially start to show a growing concern for their weight, in fact 40-60% of girls aged 6 to 12 expressed their fear of becoming too “fat”. This pattern of worry often carries out through the rest of their life.

I myself was a victim of this pattern of thinking. I remember being only 9 years old, and weighing myself every chance that I could get. Often I would look in the mirror and pinch what I could of my small stomach, comparing it to what I had seen on the girls at school or dance. My brain began working in a way that wasn’t normal. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t see the  healthy, slim, active girl I was. I saw someone who was overweight and ugly.  Instead of acting like a regular kid, I was consumed with this obsession of being skinny. People became certain pant sizes, or numbers on the scale. Life became an invisible competition between me and every girl I saw. A competition I felt I could only win if I was smaller. Oftentimes I was victorious, but other times I was drowned in defeat. This went on until I was twelve years old. The memory of those years seems clouded with images of me looking in the mirror, weighing myself, and asking whomever I could if I looked “fat”.

Thankfully, through the guidance of a councilor I was able to overcome my problems. I never resorted to anorexia, but I did have a disorder called Body Dysmorphic Disorder otherwise known as BDD. Body dysmorphic disorder is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can't stop thinking about a flaw in your appearance. It can be a flaw that is either minor or imagined. For me it was imagined. When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image, often for many hours a day. Your perceived flaw causes you significant distress, and your obsession impacts your ability to function in your daily life.

I honestly believe that the majority of the reason why I had this disorder was because of the pressure of society. Even from a young age I noticed how perfect the women in magazines or movies looked. It bothered me that I would never look like them, even though I was so little. Shopping was a nightmare for me, and often left me feeling helpless as I looked at the perfect bodies of the women on the signs. If I ever had to go up a size in anything, I was consumed with worry for days at a time. I remember disliking princess Jasmine because of how skinny Disney made her. It made me feel inadequate and ugly.

My story is just one out of the million body image disorder stories out there. Whether it be BDD, bulimia, anorexia, they can all be linked to one thing: the feeling of inadequacy, plainness, and defeat that comes with being a woman in today’s world.

While doing research for this oratory, I decided to look up the word beauty on some different websites. On Pinterest, row after row of makeup tutorials and exercise regimens popped up. On Google images I saw nothing but photo shopped models. I was overwhelmed by how much I could see the women’s bones because of how skinny they were. I find it sickening to think that this is classified as beautiful, but if bones were seen on an animal it would be thought of as sickness and abuse. In the dictionary it was classified as, “a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.”

Who decided that all of this was ok? Beauty is not found in makeup, it is not found in photoshop, and it is not just something that pleases the eye. When I look up beauty, I should see stories of inspiring women, real ladies who changed the world. I should see literary pieces that are truly beautiful to the mind. I should pictures of old couples who still love eachother after all the years. I should see nature, architecture, and events that happened in history. I should see the wonderful things that happen in everyday life, because that is what real beauty is.

Beauty isn’t the way you look. Beauty is the light that shines out of your eyes when you smile, the dirt you get under your nails from helping the elderly pull weeds, and the imprint you leave on the world around you. These things cant be changed by makeup, no matter how expensive it may be. And if society still says otherwise, drown them out by the sound of your happiness and go on living your beautiful life.

Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, we seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about ourselves. On the occasion that it happens remember these things:

1.      You are imperfect. The people you compare yourself to are imperfect. They may look like they have it all together but in reality it’s just a façade that they hide under. Everyone has things they don’t like about themselves. Even Angelina Jolie.

2.      Your mind can be a very convincing liar. For me, this was a daily occurrence. I convinced myself that I was not beautiful, even though nobody had told me I wasn’t. You can be your worst enemy, only if you let it happen. It’s your choice to think a certain way, so stop convincing yourself that you aren’t good enough, because that is a lie.

3.      There is more right with you than wrong with you. In this day and age we get so hung up on all of the little flaws we have. If you don’t believe me, spend a day listening to the conversations highschool aged girls have with their friends. Its almost sad how much dig on ourselves for our imperfections. Oftentimes these imperfections are things that we cant control, so why are we so hung up on it? You look the way you do because you were made that way. So go thank your parents for all the little flaws you have, and move on with life. And lastly:

4.      You will always be good enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just because you don’t fit society’s standards of beauty doesn’t mean that you are not beautiful. As Marilyn Monroe once said, “To all the girls who think you are fat because you are not a size zero, you are the beautiful one. Its society that is ugly."