We live in a day and
age where there are expectations everywhere that just cannot be met. We are
expected to look, act, and be perfect. But what is real perfection? Is it
having a flat stomach and thigh gap perfect? Or do curves and some belly
achieve the ideal image of perfection? I don’t know whether to believe the
magazines, or a popular song by Meghan Trainor. In many ways society is
contradicting its self, saying things like “You are amazing just the way you
are, but only if you lose ten pounds and get a better closet.” It almost feels
like there is this impossible checklist that you must be able to complete in
order to be beautiful. Found on this list are things like, “You must be tall,
gorgeous, and sophisticated, BUT you also have to be petite, cute, and fun to
be around, sorta like the girl next door.” First of all, I want to know who
this girl next door is, and why she is creating socially constructed ideals of
beauty. Second of all, I want to tell you that this check list will never have
all the boxes checked off. I hate to
burst your bubble, but you can’t be the girl next door, and still look like
Angelina Jolie. Its impossible.
In many ways this
impossible checklist creates a long list of problems itself. Depression,
Bulimia, Anorexia, and Body Dysmorphic Disorder are few of the many problems
that the pressure of society can possibly create. These are very real and very
dangerous disorders that are often caused by environmental factors such as the
(quote on quote) “Impossible list” In
the United States, 20 million women suffer from a clinically significant eating
disorder including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating. But, keep in mind that
a lot of women do not report their eating disorder. In fact, only 1 out of ten
individuals even receive treatment or counselling for their disorder. Many women are ashamed of their disorder, and
some don’t realize they have one. By age six girls especially start to show a
growing concern for their weight, in fact 40-60% of girls aged 6 to 12
expressed their fear of becoming too “fat”. This pattern of worry often carries
out through the rest of their life.
I myself was a victim
of this pattern of thinking. I remember being only 9 years old, and weighing
myself every chance that I could get. Often I would look in the mirror and
pinch what I could of my small stomach, comparing it to what I had seen on the
girls at school or dance. My brain began working in a way that wasn’t normal.
When I looked in the mirror I didn’t see the
healthy, slim, active girl I was. I saw someone who was overweight and
ugly. Instead of acting like a regular
kid, I was consumed with this obsession of being skinny. People became certain
pant sizes, or numbers on the scale. Life became an invisible competition
between me and every girl I saw. A competition I felt I could only win if I was
smaller. Oftentimes I was victorious, but other times I was drowned in defeat.
This went on until I was twelve years old. The memory of those years seems
clouded with images of me looking in the mirror, weighing myself, and asking
whomever I could if I looked “fat”.
Thankfully, through the
guidance of a councilor I was able to overcome my problems. I never resorted to
anorexia, but I did have a disorder called Body Dysmorphic Disorder otherwise
known as BDD. Body dysmorphic disorder is a type of chronic mental illness in
which you can't stop thinking about a flaw in your appearance. It can be a flaw
that is either minor or imagined. For me it was imagined. When you have body
dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image,
often for many hours a day. Your perceived flaw causes you significant
distress, and your obsession impacts your ability to function in your daily
life.
I honestly believe that
the majority of the reason why I had this disorder was because of the pressure
of society. Even from a young age I noticed how perfect the women in magazines
or movies looked. It bothered me that I would never look like them, even though
I was so little. Shopping was a nightmare for me, and often left me feeling
helpless as I looked at the perfect bodies of the women on the signs. If I ever
had to go up a size in anything, I was consumed with worry for days at a time.
I remember disliking princess Jasmine because of how skinny Disney made her. It
made me feel inadequate and ugly.
My story is just one
out of the million body image disorder stories out there. Whether it be BDD,
bulimia, anorexia, they can all be linked to one thing: the feeling of
inadequacy, plainness, and defeat that comes with being a woman in today’s
world.
While doing research
for this oratory, I decided to look up the word beauty on some different
websites. On Pinterest, row after row of makeup tutorials and exercise regimens
popped up. On Google images I saw nothing but photo shopped models. I was
overwhelmed by how much I could see the women’s bones because of how skinny
they were. I find it sickening to think that this is classified as beautiful,
but if bones were seen on an animal it would be thought of as sickness and
abuse. In the dictionary it was classified as, “a combination of qualities,
such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially
the sight.”
Who decided that all of
this was ok? Beauty is not found in makeup, it is not found in photoshop, and
it is not just something that pleases the eye. When I look up beauty, I should
see stories of inspiring women, real ladies who changed the world. I should see
literary pieces that are truly beautiful to the mind. I should pictures of old
couples who still love eachother after all the years. I should see nature,
architecture, and events that happened in history. I should see the wonderful
things that happen in everyday life, because that is what real beauty is.
Beauty isn’t the way
you look. Beauty is the light that shines out of your eyes when you smile, the
dirt you get under your nails from helping the elderly pull weeds, and the
imprint you leave on the world around you. These things cant be changed by
makeup, no matter how expensive it may be. And if society still says otherwise,
drown them out by the sound of your happiness and go on living your beautiful
life.
Sometimes in the midst of
all the pressure, we seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things
about ourselves. On the occasion that it happens remember these things:
1.
You are imperfect. The people you
compare yourself to are imperfect. They may look like they have it all together
but in reality it’s just a façade that they hide under. Everyone has things
they don’t like about themselves. Even Angelina Jolie.
2.
Your mind can be a very convincing liar.
For me, this was a daily occurrence. I convinced myself that I was not
beautiful, even though nobody had told me I wasn’t. You can be your worst
enemy, only if you let it happen. It’s your choice to think a certain way, so
stop convincing yourself that you aren’t good enough, because that is a lie.
3.
There is more right with you than wrong
with you. In this day and age we get so hung up on all of the little flaws we
have. If you don’t believe me, spend a day listening to the conversations
highschool aged girls have with their friends. Its almost sad how much dig on
ourselves for our imperfections. Oftentimes these imperfections are things that
we cant control, so why are we so hung up on it? You look the way you do
because you were made that way. So go thank your parents for all the little
flaws you have, and move on with life. And lastly:
4.
You will always be good enough. Don’t
let anyone tell you otherwise. Just because you don’t fit society’s standards
of beauty doesn’t mean that you are not beautiful. As Marilyn Monroe once said,
“To all the girls who think you are fat because you are not a size zero, you
are the beautiful one. Its society that is ugly."
