My Beautiful Life: School

Do you ever have nightmares that you are running away from something scary, but no matter how hard or fast you move it still catches up with you? You try to scream, but all the air seems let out of your lungs. Safety, which is right around the corner slips from reach, and slowly you are drawn into the evil claws of your doom.

This is precisely what back to school season feels like.

Okay, okay. I know that I am being a little dramatic (fine, a lot dramatic) but back to school season has always been somewhat of an anxiety trigger for me. The whole concept of organization, finding classes, locker combos, and the dreaded first day of school outfit sends me into a panic mode. Nightmares leak into my normally pleasant dreams, and before you know it, I'm dreaming about forgetting to wear pants the day I have to give a big presentation. Me no likey.

Even when I was young, the terrors of school shook my little brain senseless. The night before the big day I lay awake at night, eyes pried open, for fear of sleeping in too late. Once, I was so nervous that I started dry heaving on my way to the bus stop. Not the best way to start the school year in my humble opinion.

Needless to say, school with anxiety can be a daunting task.

I know a lot of my readers struggle with anxiety, so I compiled a list of things you can do to make the upcoming school year as stress free as possible. Because, who wants to worry about school, when you could be focusing on your beautiful life? Here goes nothing!

1. Buy a planner!
There is nothing worse than realizing you forgot to do your homework. Writing down your assignments due date is imperative to a stress free school year, and good grades!

2. Keep your locker clean.
Nobody wants to rummage through a mount Everest sized pile of papers just to get to their lunch. Keep your personal space clean by getting some locker organizers! Less clutter=Less anxiety.

3. Pack an emergency kit.
You never know when disaster will strike! Keep a sweatshirt to wear over lunchtime spills, ibuprofen for the occasional headache, and Band-Aids!

4. Find your classes.
One of my frequent reoccurring nightmares about school is getting lost on my way to class. In order to prevent an awkward moment, walk through your school beforehand to locate every class you have, and what room its in! Its also very helpful to have your schedule memorized, or keep it up in your locker.

5. Be yourself!
Making new friends can always be a struggle, but you don't have to change your personality to fit someone else's. You won't attract the friends you want by being a whole different person, so just embrace your silliness and be you!

6. Make a Panic Attack kit.
Keep this handy dandy kit in your locker at all times for when a catastrophe happens. Fill it with things that calm you: a reassuring note from a parent, your favorite candy, instructions for calming down, and a comfy jacket!

7. Get plenty of sleep! Drink water! Eat breakfast!
My mom is going to be proud of me for this one. :)

I hope this helps my fellow anxiety prone friends! Happy back to school season!

Any more worries about back to school? Feel free to send me an email! I would be happy to give you some advice! becauseofbeautifullives@gmail.com

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Beyond the Mirror

It doesn't make sense to call our selves ugly if we never have truly seen the way we look.

Some may disagree with my statement, claiming that the mirror gives a perfect reflection,

That its shiny surface shows their outer beauty in a complete and exact way.

But what they don't realize is that the reflection is shallow, and often tainted with sour opinions and insecure thoughts.

No matter how many times a human may glance at their features in a mirror

they will still never understand their true beauty.

It doesn't make sense to call ourselves ugly

because we don't really see ourselves.

We don't see the way our eyes sparkle when we get excited,

or how the smile on our face expands with laughter.

We don't see the stillness of our body as we sleep,

all curled up and silent,

chest steadily rising and falling with peace.

We don't see our eyes as we love,

mouth as we speak, 

hands as we serve.

Trust me. 

You would know how exquisitely bright and beautiful you are

if you could only see yourself 

beyond the mirror.

Adventure Can Be Found In Walmart

The other day I found myself in a predicament that usually bombards teenagers in the summer.

I was bored. Like, really really bored. So much so that I lay on the floor of my bedroom, admiring the patterns in the paint on the ceiling. It was bad.

I am the type of person who loves to go on adventures, and every once in a while I get the uncontrollable urge to go do something exciting. I must go on an adventure. Hence why I went to Walmart looking for some.

Now I know its not like Walmart has jars labelled "excitement" for sale on their shelves (although Nutella is a close second) but, they do have people, and lots of them. So, for my exciting excursion, I decided to do something that scares me out of my mind: confront people I do not know. Earlier that week I had bought some cute thank you cards from Michael's, thinking that I would use them to appreciate my teachers and church leaders. Little did I know that some extreme boredness would lead me to use those cards for people I didnt even know. 

Let me tell you, one of the best ways to get your adrenaline rush is by handing out thank you cards to strangers. I walked through the aisles of Walmart aimlessly before I found my first person. It was a woman, presumably middle aged, with a list in her hand of food and supplies she needed to get. I could tell she was a woman on a mission. Walking up to her was the hardest part. My voice cracked, my legs shook, and my heart went at five bajillion miles an hour.

"Excuse me, mam?" I said. She looked up in surprise, and our eyes met. Her face looked tired, resting into melancholy wrinkles by her eyes. Oh yes. This was the person I needed to help.

Quickly I explained that the note was to thank her for being so awesome, and that yes, I did not know her. Before I knew it, I was walking away with a grin on my face and warmth in my heart. I continued to do this for five more people, feeling happier with each one.

There are opportunities everywhere for service, you just have to be willing to look hard enough.

And boy, is it oh so fun!

Beauty Is Not Found at the Makeup Counter

There it is, the cosmetics counter. Sometimes it is fun to nonchalantly  walk around the pink Barbie like isles, occasionally picking up a new eye shadow palate or lipstick. But today, you are a woman on a mission. Almost as if to prepare for the bombardment of beauty, you lower your eyes to the last shelf nearest the ground, avoiding the airbrushed advertisements up top and dive in. With a swiftness that seems to deserve angelic praise you find it! Huzzah! The mascara! You snatch it up, reveling in your success and heading towards the checkout when- "Hi mam! Is there anything I can do to help you?" You have two choices. You can either avoid looking at the way too charismatic shop assistant so you don't see the ads, or you can act like a sensible person. Decisions, decisions. Before you know it, your eyes are up, and all the images you were hoping to avoid come crashing into your brain. "No thank you." You stutter, and almost gallop to the checkout counter. Defeated, you buy the mascara and go home. That was one crazy adventure.

Okay, so we have all been through that before. Maybe its not quite as dramatic, but still, seeing pictures of Ellen DeGeneres without wrinkles is just plain scary. I mean, the woman is 57 years old! (Sorry, off topic) But the thing is that we don't have to go through that treacherous makeup trip in order to be beautiful. Time and time again I hear people use the words "I need (insert whatever makeup item you wish) to be beautiful" I hate to burst your bubble, but NOPE! You do not need any makeup to be beautiful. Sure, it can make you feel more secure or confident, but your natural self, is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen!

To clarify, I am not saying that makeup is terrible, or offensive in anyway, because honestly I think it is really fun! Just like any girl I enjoy getting gussied up and going out, but I also remember to take days off. Not only is it good for your skin to take a break, but it is also good for your confidence. Once you get used to not having a cake face you will realize how darn good you look without all that goop.

If you think about the process of it all, makeup is immensely strange. Think about it, "I am going to put this black stuff on my eyes, this skin colored paint on my face, and this brown powder in my eyebrows to make me look more attractive." See, its weird.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you don't need all that to be beautiful. Embrace your natural self, and don't care what everybody else thinks! I guarantee you that the world will not stop turning if you take your makeup off. There are much more catastrophic events that could occur.

Love ya!

Sadie

Mind and Body

We live in a world where words like "retarded" and "OCD" are used as debilitating insults, which are perceived as some sort of funny joke. But the thing is, these "insults" are no way to make a snide comment to a friend. They are real mental illnesses that cause pain, and suffering in individuals all over the world. So why on earth would you want to make fun of it?

Using mental illnesses to insult someone, is almost to the same equivalent of using a physical illness as a jest. You would never say,"Oh my gosh, its like that girl has cancer or something." because

A) Cancer is a very sensitive topic in today's world, so it wouldn't be funny. (Don't be insensitive)

B) Its mean. Don't say mean things. Okay? Okay.

I can understand why it is more common for people to make fun of mental illness instead of physical. Its simple. Physical illness or disease is typically manifested physically whereas mental illness can be hidden, without anyone knowing how much the sufferer is actually suffering.

For example, I have anxiety. But, the people around me only know if I talk about it, or have a panic attack. Other than that, I can hide it fairly well. But if someone is struggling with jaundice it would be clearly evident, because jaundice turns your skin and eyes yellow. (Its not fun.) Anxiety isn't physically manifested. Jaundice is.

One thing I think people don't realize is that when you have a mental illness it can be just as tiring and discouraging as its physical counterpart. Constantly worrying, obsessing over cleanliness, and hating your body takes a lot of energy.

Teasing, insulting, and bullying is not ok in any size, shape, or form. So please stop making fun of mental illnesses, even if you have walked a mile in our shoes.

Rant over.

French Fries

Sitting lazily upon the desk in my room is a quote that changed my life. It is simple and humorous but very effective. The quote bluntly reads:

Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry

Okay, so I know what you are thinking. Why on earth would I want to be happier than a bird with a french fry? Sadie, you are downright crazy. Before you make any snap judgments, lets break this down a bit.

First, lets talk about the bird. Often times (especially when it is particularly dry) birds have a hard time finding food. Instead of retrieving a nutritious meal of worms and other bugs they have to rely on us messy humans, and the crumbs we leave behind. Imagine that you are on a deserted island, and that you have run out of food. Your stomach is growling, as you stumble around in fatigue, seaching aimlessly for some nutrition when all of a sudden BAM! A five course turkey dinner falls from the sky. That is what I imagine it must be like for a bird that has found a french fry. To us, one french fry isn't very significant, but to a bird it is a saving grace.

We must be like a bird and find joy in the simple things in life, even if it is something as simple as a french fry. Staying focused on the little things that are good increases our optimism and fights away the negative. So, in order to help you realize how amazing the simple things in life are, here is a list of little things that makes me happy.

~The sound of high heels on tile

~Cold grass on bare feet

~Fuzzy socks

~The time of night right before it gets dark

~Pastel colored skies

~Poetry

~How babies smell right after a bath

~Sunny rain

~Successfully saying the rap part in a song

~When people say 'Thank You'

~Filled notebooks

~Old books

~Cold sheets

~Travel sized anything

~The smell of cologne

~When people laugh during hugs

~When old couples kiss

~Giant T-shirts

~Stretching

~Nice strangers

~The first frigid seconds in the pool

~Completing checklists

~Smelling like a campfire

~That one mood when everything is funny

~The sound of a keyboard when someone types fast

~Unique laughs

~You.

These are just a few things that make me happy. What makes you happy?

Silence

There you are, standing on the scale again, looking through your tear filled eyes at the number that causes you so much grief. You wipe the wetness from your face and step in front of the mirror, staring at yourself until the surrounding world seems to fade away. You feel ugly, fat, useless, and wonder how on earth you are going to get ready for the day when the last bit of confidence you had was just ripped to shreds.

Eventually, you slip into your most comfortable pair of jeans, and a sweatshirt, not even worrying about the laborious task that is your hair. You pick up your bag with a slowness that could even rival a sloth. Then, you wait. The looming prospect of the day in front of you seems like too much, and even the door appears threatening. But eventually, you pick up your feet and leave (as you always do) already yearning for the day to be over.

Leaving the house seems like a mistake as you begin comparing yourself with every single person that you see. They all seem so perfect, so...confident. Your mind runs frantically and you wonder if you are the only person who feels this way. No confidence, no happiness, just numb. Eventually you accept the fact that your are alone in this endeavor, and that you will always be alone. You are a freak of nature who has no confidence, and whose brain doesn't work right for some reason.But, you accept it (as you always have) and continue on with your miserable day in silence, acting as if nothing happened. Because, the one thing that could be more mortifying than your appearance would be if people found out you felt this way.

No.

I will not accept this.

It breaks my heart to see people struggle with this constant battle of questioning whether or not silence is the answer. The endless pain and worthlessness that comes with it is almost unbearable. Worries seem like wars in our head, filled with explosions of panic and the rapid gunfire of self-deprecating thoughts. The thing that we don't realize is that the war could stop if you just talk about it. Oftentimes our worries seem much larger in our head, and then sound silly as they come out of our mouths. I'm not telling you that all of this is a joke, because its not. It is a serious problem that hurts the individual so immensely, it can even lead to eating disorders.

More often than not, we go through life harboring fears and insecurities inside of us, not even taking a moment to realize that almost everyone we know is doing the same. The insecurity you feel only gets worse and worse when you let it fester up inside of you. Think of it as a unopened can of Coke: if you shake it and then pop open the can, you are met with a mini soda old faithful. But, if you open it without the previous shaking, it just sits there like a good soda should.

Our minds are like the can of Coke. If we keep our worries inside of us, eventually it will hurt us so much that one day we explode in a fountain of tears and sadness. But, if you voice your worries the moment they enter your mind, whether it be to a friend or family member, the soda stays put, and there is no eruption.

You are not alone in your insecurities. I know how harrowing the experience is to explode. Its not fun. So, please open up to the people around you, find some time to voice your worries, and continue living your beautiful life.

-Sadie

P.S. Take some time to think about all the little things in life that make you happy! Optimism kills the negative, and therefore makes for less soda can shaking!

P.P.S If you cant find anyone to talk to about your worries, feel free to shoot me an email!

becauseofbeautifullives@gmail.com