Silence

There you are, standing on the scale again, looking through your tear filled eyes at the number that causes you so much grief. You wipe the wetness from your face and step in front of the mirror, staring at yourself until the surrounding world seems to fade away. You feel ugly, fat, useless, and wonder how on earth you are going to get ready for the day when the last bit of confidence you had was just ripped to shreds.

Eventually, you slip into your most comfortable pair of jeans, and a sweatshirt, not even worrying about the laborious task that is your hair. You pick up your bag with a slowness that could even rival a sloth. Then, you wait. The looming prospect of the day in front of you seems like too much, and even the door appears threatening. But eventually, you pick up your feet and leave (as you always do) already yearning for the day to be over.

Leaving the house seems like a mistake as you begin comparing yourself with every single person that you see. They all seem so perfect, so...confident. Your mind runs frantically and you wonder if you are the only person who feels this way. No confidence, no happiness, just numb. Eventually you accept the fact that your are alone in this endeavor, and that you will always be alone. You are a freak of nature who has no confidence, and whose brain doesn't work right for some reason.But, you accept it (as you always have) and continue on with your miserable day in silence, acting as if nothing happened. Because, the one thing that could be more mortifying than your appearance would be if people found out you felt this way.

No.

I will not accept this.

It breaks my heart to see people struggle with this constant battle of questioning whether or not silence is the answer. The endless pain and worthlessness that comes with it is almost unbearable. Worries seem like wars in our head, filled with explosions of panic and the rapid gunfire of self-deprecating thoughts. The thing that we don't realize is that the war could stop if you just talk about it. Oftentimes our worries seem much larger in our head, and then sound silly as they come out of our mouths. I'm not telling you that all of this is a joke, because its not. It is a serious problem that hurts the individual so immensely, it can even lead to eating disorders.

More often than not, we go through life harboring fears and insecurities inside of us, not even taking a moment to realize that almost everyone we know is doing the same. The insecurity you feel only gets worse and worse when you let it fester up inside of you. Think of it as a unopened can of Coke: if you shake it and then pop open the can, you are met with a mini soda old faithful. But, if you open it without the previous shaking, it just sits there like a good soda should.

Our minds are like the can of Coke. If we keep our worries inside of us, eventually it will hurt us so much that one day we explode in a fountain of tears and sadness. But, if you voice your worries the moment they enter your mind, whether it be to a friend or family member, the soda stays put, and there is no eruption.

You are not alone in your insecurities. I know how harrowing the experience is to explode. Its not fun. So, please open up to the people around you, find some time to voice your worries, and continue living your beautiful life.

-Sadie

P.S. Take some time to think about all the little things in life that make you happy! Optimism kills the negative, and therefore makes for less soda can shaking!

P.P.S If you cant find anyone to talk to about your worries, feel free to shoot me an email!

becauseofbeautifullives@gmail.com